All That I'm Liviing For...

Here is to the night...

Sat, 05 May 2007 05:03:31 GMT

So wow. Today was a bad day I may say. Klye wants to have a break. I cried for like 4 hours all day. I love him so much and I don't wanna end up loosing him. Thinking about him with other guys hurts me so bad. Like I am doing my best in my life rite now to get a job, make money, and be with him. He is the one I want to be with. Yes, with forever. Our one month is on Monday and I got him two things. I mean the one is pretty stupid but the other one, I really worked hard on it and I will post it up tomorrow when he see's it. I hope he likes it. =/. Kyle means a lot to me so much. He is my 1st love, I will not lie. And to meet someone who is everything that I wanted in a guy, is mine, But will I loose him? I hope not. He is my night in shining armor and he is the whole missing in my heart. I lobe him. On another non-upsetting note, Rachel, Donny, Mel, Brittney, Katie, Blair, and Roy drank in Mel's room tonight and I didn't cuz im not mentally stable to drink tonight. So I ddin't. Well they were fun, lol. Took some pics and then went to the diner with Rachel and then I am here now in Rachel's room. Oh and Kly ecalled me around 10pm-ish and we talked about how he got new stuff in his back yaed and about us. When we told me he loved me, I started to cry. Not only cuz of what is going on rite now with me and him, but just everytime he says it, to hear him say the three worlds that mean a lot to me, are coming out of the mad I really do love. I know I am a jerk to him sometimes but he needs to know, everytime I see him walking closer and I fall in love with him all over again. Brb.

Quote of the Day:

"Everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I ned you baby"

Friends...

Fri, 04 May 2007 05:07:52 GMT

People in this world look at others as entertainment. [sometimes]. While we sit around and watch people get raped, abused, verbally abused, ect... We all feel bad for them and we wish we could help. But do we really know how they feel? Like tonight, I opened up to people that yes, I did just meet in the past two months but they are really, what I can say, good friends. I have my new bestfriend Rachel, who I fucking love with all my heart, I never felt so close to someone like her in such a long time. I just met Mel, Katie, and Donny [who Donny is moving in with Rachel, Kyle, and I this summer =) ] and they are just amazing people. Now I wont say any names but like someone who I thought was my best gay friend, is not who I thought he was. He lied and he cheated on a good frined of mine and it sucks so bad. I kno how it feels to be cheated on and it SUCKS! Like I do not get people sometimes but you know what? Fuck them. Oh, by the way, 7eleven hot dogs are bangin. Well on the next part I did drink about 3 glasses of wine and I felt pretty nice tonight chillin with some friends and watching "Mean Girls" and walking into the town of West Chester. It was an pretty good night, but to see Rachel cry, hurts me a lot. I wish I had a power to change the way she felt rite now but I don't. I love her so much and to see her upset, makes me upset, which make the boyfriend [Kyle] feel upset and it is not fun, lol. But today opening up to people and crying and laughing with them made me feel, I have people who car and who love me. It great to be a human being. So next time when I look at someone, I won't call them a bitch or anything...I'll just smile and worry about me.

Quote of the Day:

"Why'd you have to be so cute
It's impossible to ignore you
Must you make me laugh so much
It's bad enough we get along so well
Say goodnight and go"

To the start...

Wed, 02 May 2007 04:15:05 GMT

When I see the world, I am happy but at the same time sad because I am scared that it will go down hill. I don't want this world to let me down. I know it may have to come to an end but hey... live for the best... On another note, I been fighting [kinda] with my boyfriend about stupid ass shit about his birthday weekend. I mean yeah he is turning 21 and I am 18 so i can't really do much with him like go to bars n shit but like still. I hate being young sometimes and yeah, I'll admit it I'm sometimes selfish. I am just scared cuz of my past. Like no joke, I am so in LOve with Kyle and that is what scares me. I am not scared of the love he has for me but I am scared for the love I have for him. I say this because I really CANT stop thinking about him, as much as it makes people sick of me talking about him n such, I really do love him. So yeah I won't see him till Friday night after Dinner with Rachel, Mel, Blair, and Blair's mom. It should be nice I guess. I just have been really "emo" you can say the past 4 days. Just next week... all of us are going our diff ways from West Chester and I really grew close to them all. Just I can't wait till Aug cuz Rachel, Kyle, Blair [?], and I are all moving in together. I can't wait cuz I have to be back in Edison, NJ for the summer so I can have somewhere to live. I mean I am going cuz I wan't to see my sisters but my mom and I have not been getting alonge at all. And my step dad, he can suck a fat one. Just I really have to buckle down and start working my ass off, make money, and then on my way. Sometimes I just wish life could be a bit easy in life, but hey.... don't we all?

Quote of the Day:

"Dear my love, haven't you wanted to be with me
And dear my love, haven't you longed to be free
I can't keep pretending that I don't even know you
And at sweet night, you are my own
Take my hand"